Back to the Farm

Like boomerangs, we go back and forth in our lives. I think everyone knows by now that we are back in Wyoming. Most of you are wondering if this choice will make me happy or sad. What I have discovered is that there is no easy answer to that question. It's all about point of view.

I used to think that quote from Abraham Lincoln was ridiculous. You know the one that said a man is just about as happy as he makes up his mind to be. As if it was a choice. The older I get, the more I see that life is all about choices. In the midst of our worst experiences, we still have a choice. We may not be completely happy, or even mildly happy, but we have a choice of how to act, what to say, how much to complain.

I have to say I learned that from Rachel most recently, when she spent months on the couch grimly bearing a morning sickness that lasted all day. Was she happy? Maybe on some very existential level she was happy to be producing another child. But unable to eat, to smell smells, to go out of her house, to move about...no. I probably spent 14 or more days with her in total, and I saw her choose to be kind, to be strong, to be as pleasant as she could be in her sickness.

I also learned that from Grandma/Dora. You may not know how often she was "hurting" from the many kidney stones and pain she had. The most she would ever say was "I'm hurting." Then she would lie down for a while until it was time to fix dinner, or make bread, or work in her garden. I really don't how much of the time she wasn't "hurting." She managed to live around the pain somehow. She made a strong choice to be as happy as she could be.

I am sure I could go on and talk about each of your struggles and how you have chosen to be happy in spite of them. Who gets an easy path, really? Ultimately, all we can do is choose to be happy or sad. And, naturally, being human and having strong emotions, we are sad sometimes. But even that gets old. And the stories of our pain, our frustration, and our injustices get old. So old. And looking back and cursing our bad luck, or our poor choices, or our ignorance, or innocence is counterproductive.

So.....here's the short answer. I am happy to be back in Wyoming in May 2011. There isn't a better month to move to Wyoming. May is perfection. It has all that is good in Wyoming going for it. Temperate weather, freedom from insects, baby calves, daffodils growing on the side of my house!, and specific to us--a roof over our heads, lots of privacy, an enormous amount of free time, plus farm fresh eggs (from Ruth's chickens), and a side of beef (currently at the butcher's).

Lucky for me I also have access to each of you through cell phones, the internet's emails, blogs, and im chat. And periodically, via Allegiant airline's ridiculously low air fares, and the prospect of your annual visits. So, when I'm "hurting" because I miss you so, I can visit you, one way or the other. And the rest of the time I can live my life around it--getting on with making dinner, or bread, or working in the garden. Happy or sad? I'm going to choose happy.