TIME TRAVELS

It's an interesting phenomenon--TIME. The further you travel forward in it, the more often you find yourself traveling back in time as well. I suppose it is because a well of experiences and memories is forming that you dip into unconsciously as you go. A deep well of the past merging with the present, and confronting the future. We experience deja vu often because our memories resurface, our experiences call to us.

Once when I was visiting Jess and Erin and baby Thomas I was watching Thomas playing with a puzzle. I felt like I almost recalled--a fragment, really of a memory-- putting together a similar wooden puzzle as a child, myself. And then watching the baby toddle about I was transported to my days as Jess' mother, following him about just as Erin was....putting pots and pans back in the kitchen cupboards after a musical pan kitchen cacophony.

FAST FORWARD....[or so it seems from my perspective]

Here is a picture of me now, sitting in the bleachers. Again. For the what? 100th time? But this time I take my crocheting. I don't watch the game. But sometimes I look up and I see Rachel playng. I see Emily. I see a gym filled with young people, cheerleaders, the band. I am in Lovell, Ventura, Oxnard, Santa Barbara, Thousand Oaks, Burlington, Cody. I am here now and I am here yesterday. I am a parent, a fan, a business woman. I am finished and I am beginning again. I had to buy a bleacher seat, again. I had given my old ones to Goodwill when I moved to Wyoming, thinking the bleacher days were over.



I don't feel so much older...I feel like I am 42. But I feel so much smarter. I feel like everyone should listen to me, because I know so much more now than I did when I WAS 42. It's different though. It's not like knowing something specific. It's not something I could spout out if someone were to ask me, "so what exactly is it that you know?" It's more like a general KNOWING. I have a sense of things. Sensations....I Know how they feel. Excitement, hope, disappointment, pain. Fear, frustration, fulfillment. I know what they cost. I know whether they are worth the time or not.

I guess that's what you get in exchange for your life's experiences...a deeper well, a broader experience. The urge to grab people and tell them what they don't know that you didn't know either when you were their age, but you know now, and knowing it now, wish you'd known it then. It is bittersweet. Is it regret? Is it wishing you'd had an easier path? A helping hand? A mentor? A guide? It's most certainly not wishing for a "do-over". It's an interesting thought though.

I read an interesting article Sunday morning. It was called the Law of Compensation, and though it was lengthy, it was enlightening. It was written by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and I highly recommend it. I think it puts life's ups and downs in perspective.

And don't worry, be happy. Life is short.

Howe Unsettling

Em says the blogs are boring without pictures. I will try to post some in this odd blog. I read Nat's 2008 review and Linne's too. I want to be positive just like them... it's so refreshing. But I can't. 2008 was so unsettling. The more I think about it the more it seems like a TV series.

There were bad guys...you just couldn't tell who they were most of the time. Them? Us? the thieves after us? the 'friends' using us? There were adventures....planned and unplanned. the cruise to the Western Caribbean.

















The fight or flight trip to Central America.












We saw a lot of interesting sights, and fell completely in love with Central America and the people there. We want to be able to speak Spanish the next time we go so we can explore Costa Rica and more of Panama. English is not that widespread. That will take some time and effort--learning Spanish. Si?



We reluctantly returned to the U.S. and took up residence in the desert. But 6 weeks in the desert in the Spring will make you rethink your commitment to the Arizona sun.



The Nashville bust. What can I say about this--we were working hard every day. The best part was the trip out across Texas and New Mexico and Oklahoma and Arkansas--very pretty scenery---and our night at the Grand Ol' Opry Museum and Theater.

The California quick trip turn around. We were lucky to see some of our children and to visit with Aunt Diane and Uncle Glenn for 2 weeks. There were moments of nailbiting and abject fear and tears. I'll leave those out. If you know what they are, you know too much already. There were heroes. Grover, mostly. He is a ROCK! and the subcast of heroes--kind family members who either housed us or visited us, or answered our questions, or held our hands,or offered support and understanding. Heroes with super powers of ESP. What else does a TV series have? Suspense, a tightrope walk, cliffhangers, betrayal, loss. Yep, we experienced all that in 2008. And more. We also started a photography business and wrote a book.

I'm hoping 2009 is boring. Well, not boring really, but lovely. Lovely would be nice. And FUN! Did I mention any kind of fun in 2008? There were too few moments of that commodity. It was too intense! Thankfully we wrapped up 2008 in the arms of our family and loved ones in Atlanta. That was the goal...the one I had my eye on all year that pulled me through. It's a miracle that we all pulled it off..it was no easy task getting everyone together. And Dad didn't take one single picture. Boo hoo. Martha is going to have to share--she did all the shooting.

I am looking forward to 2009 with a feeling of hope and peace. Happy New Year!